Fire & Gold
by Swan-Millsbeliever
Summary: I have no description yet so for now just read it and weep. Swan Queen obviously. Set after Robin's and Killian's death. Their may be self harm,suicidal thoughts maybe attempts unsure but will give a warning at beginning of those chapters. Foul language.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 **Emma's P.O.V**

I started to head home collecting the leftover paperwork and files from a _very_ long day that needed to end quickly because all I want to do right now is just get home curl up in a ball in bed and cry. Thankfully Henry is spending the weekend with his grandparents camping up at Rumple's cabin. Not to mention that Regina isn't even talking, hell even _looking_ at me since I told her what I felt for her. And what I felt for that petite brunette was love, _pure unadulterated love,_ love as pure and true as her love for Henry. Just as I was locking up the station I heard my phone ding. I pull my phone out from my back pocket and I froze in place, both fear and joy raced throughout my veins. Seeing that it's a text. A text from Regina. Before my nerves started to get the better of me I tapped on the notification bringing her text up onto my screen. To be honest I don't even want to read the message. I don't even want to face Regina again out of sheer embarrassment and fear of rejection. Once the message appeared fear once again overtook my body.

 _ **Regina: We need to talk. Now!**_

 _ **Emma: No!**_

After responding to Regina's message not having the courage to face her... well not yet at least. So she just finished locking up the door got into the bug and started the drive to her semi-new home. I scoffed at that word _home_ it doesn't feel like home. Not without Kil- DAMN IT SWAN GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF. I pull over a few blocks away from my house, "Get a hold of yourself Emma. _**Breathe Swan just breathe**_ you can do this. You _**can**_ get _**through**_ this". That's the mantra i have to keep telling myself every day morning and night. It's not the same without him he was my best friend. But he wanted me to move on and let him die as the man he wanted to be. The more she dwelled on it the more tears streamed down her face. After a few slowed controlled deep breaths Emma put the car back into drive and drove 'home'.

As soon as she turned the corner of her street she saw non-other than Regina Mills in the flesh sitting on the hood of her black Mercedes-Benz. I internally cursed myself for responding no to Regina. She should have know Regina was going to show up, the stubborn woman was always so persistent but then again Emma always loved that about her. Just the fact that Regina was so strong and independent, and even then having to holding her own when dealing with the bullshit this town had put her through. She powered through all that _**and**_ on top of that having to deal with Emma turning into the _**Dark Swan**_ trying to help save her and then being Emma's rock when she was mourning the death of Killian. Even then she was still so beautiful, strong, caring, and not even hesitating once to pick Emma back up when she was down, even helping her with Henry and Killian's... belongings. Regina helped her through it all, and now Emma is looking at her from the corner of her eye not daring to make eye contact, she sees Regina's head snap up from her phone at hearing Emma's bug approaching her driveway but just gave Emma a blank expression. Which made Emma more nervous then when she saw her text and her just sitting there in front of her ' _ **home'**_ waiting. As soon as Emma had pulled up into her driveway parking the car and taking the keys out of the ignition her heart began pounding so hard and fast against her chest to the point where Emma was so sure she was going to either vomit or pass out, as Emma saw Regina making her way over to her. Meanwhile Emma was just gathering up her bag and the rest of her things trying hard not to notice those gorgeous long olive toned legs of her beloved walk her way over to where she was. The second Emma had all of her things and was out of the car and making her way over to her porch and then to her front door just about to enter when she hears that low sultry voice say, " _So you're just going to ignore me now"._ Emma just _froze_ in front of her open door putting her keys in her pocket and placing her bag and other belongings she had brought to work and now home with her down on the porch. Turning around slowly to face Regina, Emma's eyes wide and her arms wrapped around herself as if trying to keep her invisible wounds shielded from Regina's unrecognizably harsh tone and then heard more words leave those luscious plump blood red lips saying, _"Well..."_ while crossing her arms across her chest leaning off to one hip. Emma had yet to answer, still in shock from Regina's harsh tone. Emma finally being able to find her words starting to fume with rage, responding with " _ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME REGINA,...REALLY YOU'RE MAD AT ME FOR IGNORING YOUR TEXT AND NOT GIVING YOU EYE CONTACT OR TO EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FUCKING PRESENCE WHEN YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GIVEN ME A SINGLE LIGHT OF FUCKING DAY FOR THE PAST 3 FUCKING WEEKS! BECAUSE I TOLD YOU THAT...THAT I..._ _ **THAT**_ _**I LOVE YOU**_ _AND YOU HAVE THE_ _ **FUCKING BALLS**_ _TO BE MAD AT_ _ **ME!**_ _NO_ _ **FUCK YOU REGINA MILLS!**_ _GET THE_ _ **HELL OFF**_ _OF MY FUCKING PROPERTY_ _ **NOW!**_ _"._ Regina stood there with a dumbfounded expression on her face, jaw loosely dropped and her eyes bulging. Emma sensed Regina may have been surprised to hear her respond in this way, but after three weeks of torturing herself over her confession, which took a courage to disclose, Emma felt angry and she had every right to be. With the amount of rejection she has had in her life, the last thing she needed was a 3 week silent treatment from the woman she loves. The woman who finally taught her what real love is. The woman she thought she would never feel that rejection from since they became closer as friends. The silent treatment was agonising over that time. Emma was aware that Regina needed time to process it but 3 weeks was a little excessive and not so much as an acknowledgement in the street made Emma feel as though she was not only rejected, but not accepted anymore by Regina, and _**NOW**_ Madam Mayor wants to talk, and she always gets her way... Although Emma was angry at Regina she quite liked that part about her. How she would take charge, and be a little demanding from time to time. She had wondered, during lonely nights cocooned in her blanket, if Regina took charge in more intimate areas of her life, and to what extent. But right now, the mayor in her very sexy black and blue low cut dress that is just reaching mid thigh, high heels, and demanding attitude, as sexy as she is, Emma was overwhelming infuriated by Regina's audacity. But Regina coming back to realization from shock just in time to see Emma, who is now shaking with anger and tears building in her eyes threatening to fall just picks up her belongings and goes inside slamming the door in Regina's face not even giving her a second glance to then collapse on the floor against the front door letting her sobs take over ripping them from her throat no longer able to keep them buried any longer.

I crawled out from the pain of yesterday

I crawled to you and

I said all the things that you said to say

Have I said enough

Do you like it yeah, yeah

Do you like it yeah, yeah

I know why you're playin' these dirty games

They're killing me and

I know how you love to watch me beg

Well here I am

Do you like it, yeah yeah

And do you like it, yeah yeah

And do you like it, yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah

I don't wanna be a puppet for you

Don't wanna bite the hand that's feeding

I don't wanna be a sucker for you, oh yes you

I hate myself for begging

I hate myself for staying

I hate myself for listening to

You, you, you, you, you

It's too little too late, well I can't escape

So beggin' you please

I changed all the things that you told me to change

I'm on my knees

Do you like it, yeah yeah

And do you like it, yeah yeah

And do you like it yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah

I don't wanna be a puppet for you

Don't wanna bite the hand that's feeding

I don't wanna be a sucker for you, oh yes you

I hate myself for begging

I hate myself for staying

I hate myself for listening to you

I just wanna get out, stuck inside of this

Waiting for something else, waiting to exist

Can you offer me help

Help from what I missed, I missed, I

Do you like it, yeah yeah

Do you like it, yeah yeah

Do you like it, yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah

I don't wanna be a puppet for you

Don't wanna bite the hand that's feeding

I don't wanna be a sucker for you, oh yes you

I hate myself for begging

I hate myself for staying

I hate myself for listening to you, oh I

For listening to you, oh I

For listening to you, oh I

For listening to you, oh


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Somewhere in the end of all this hate

There's a light ahead

That shines into this grave that's in the end of all this pain

In the night ahead there's a light upon this

House on a hill

The living, living still

Their intention is to kill and they will, they will

But the children are doing fine

I think about them all the time

Until they drink the wine and they will, they will, they will

Somewhere in the end we're all insane

To think that light ahead can save us from this

Grave that's in the end of all this pain

In the night ahead there's a light upon this

House on a hill

The living, living still

Their intention is to kill and they will, they will

But the children are doing fine

I think about them all the time

Until they drink the wine and they will, they will, they will

I am not afraid

I won't burn out in this place

My intention is to fade and I will, I will

In this house on a hill

The dead are living still

Their intention is to kill and they will, they will

Keep your children safe inside

Out of pocket, out of mind

Until they drink the wine and they will, they will, they will

 _Emma walked into Regina's office so they could have lunch together and help with Operation Mongoose. Though Emma wanted to help Regina find her true love and her happy ending she was more along the lines of hoping that Regina would give up on trying to be with Robin and be with her. Even though Regina and Robin were 'soul mates' Emma didn't believe they were true love. Hell Emma didn't even believe her and Killian were true lovers but she did love him and he knows that. But what he doesn't know is that I've loved Regina since the day I met her._

" _ **How do you feel about kale salad?"**_

" _ **Like someone found someplace other than Granny's for takeout."**_

" _ **I'm fine with her grill cheese but I know it gets to you."**_

 _Regina chuckles,_ " _ **You eat like a child. Is that a root beer?"**_

 _Emma smiled,_ " _ **Two. I got you one. I thought you could use a break."**_

 _Regina sighed and down at the book and back up to Emma,_ " _ **A break from what? Dead end after dead end?**_ _Emma lowers the two bottles to the table while Regina continued_ " _ **This Sorcerer- or Author- Whatever he wants to be called- Doesn't want to be found."**_

 _Emma sighed trying to open one of the bottles while looking at Regina_ " _ **It's only been a few weeks."**_

" _ **Exactly, and I've conquered entire realms in less time."**_

 _Emma sighed again_ " _ **Can you conquer these bottles? I thought they were twist-offs."**_

" _ **Do I look like I can pry them off with my teeth?**_ _Emma looked back at her with a smirk while Regina responded sassily_ " _ **I'm a Queen and a bit more refined."**_

 _Emma laughed internally_ " _ **Yeah I got that."**_ _the blonde cleared her throat looking through a few draws._ " _ **My mom had a bottle opener here during her brief tenure, somewhere."**_

 _Regina looked up to see the blonde just before she opened the drawer_ " _**WAIT! Don't..."**_ _But the brunette was too late as I looked into the drawer my heart fell to the bottom of my stomach and my breath hitched as I looked at the taped up page that looked to be from the book. I tried to hide my disappointment and hid it well enough when I turned around to look at Regina who was now standing from her seat looking at the page I was holding_ " _ **What's this? Did you take it from the book?"**_

 _Regina sat back down eyes cast downward at her desk_ " _ **It's not from the book. Robin found it…"**_ _Regina sighed_ " _ **Before he left with his family. It appeared to him."**_ _Emma sighed but looked up at Regina a little bit of both intrigue and curiosity._ " _ **It's not your story. What is it?"**_

 _Regina looked into Emma's blue-green eyes but then averted her gaze._ " _ **Robin thought it was hope…a sign that….."**_ _My beautiful brunette inhaled deeply wit a look of sadness in her eyes_ " _ **things would work out for me."**_ _She replied before looking back up at me. She smiled bitterly before responding barely above a whisper_ " _ **Turns out it was a cruel joke."**_ _I handed Regina the page and asked_ " _ **Have you heard from him?"**_ _Regina looked fondly at the page shaking her head with her voice wavering_ " _ **No."**_

 **-SQ-SQ-SQ-SQ-SQ-SQ-SQ-SQ-SQ-SQ-SQ-SQ-SQ-SQ-SQ-**

She seemed dressed in all of me, stretched across my shame.

All the torment and the pain

Leaked through and covered me

I'd do anything to have her to myself

Just to have her for myself

Now I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

She is everything to me

The unrequited dream

A song that no one sings

The unattainable, she's a myth that I have to believe in

All I need to make it real is one more reason

I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

But I won't let this build up inside of me

I won't let this build up inside of me

I won't let this build up inside of me

I won't let this build up inside of me

A catch in my throat choke

Torn into pieces

I won't, no!

I don't wanna be this...

But I won't let this build up inside of me

I won't let this build up inside of me

I won't let this build up inside of me

I won't let this build up inside of me

She isn't real

I can't make her real

She isn't real

I can't make her real

 **Regina's P.O.V**

I stood there, just standing frozen to the spot jaw dropped, Emma had just screamed at her and slammed the door in her face. What the hell? I can hear her sobbing on the other side of the door and it breaks my heart and sent of pang of guilt rushing through my body. _**I**_ had caused _**Emma**_ to feel this _**pain**_. _**Emma…...oh god.**_ Oh god I caused this, Jesus Christ Regina great job another fuck up to add to the scrapbook. What the fuck am I going to do to fix this?

" **Emma? Please let me in? I'm sorry Emma…...I'm so so so sorry."** Nothing all she heard were Emma's broken sobs and it only killed Regina more on this inside. So Regina did the only thing she knew what to do at this moment and that was to give Emma her space and give herself the time she needed to sort out her feelings and make thing right with Emma. I can't stay on Emma's porch because it is very clear that Emma does not want me here. I do not want to go home to and empty and unwelcoming home with no one to go home to because Henry is away wit his grandparents. I don't want to go back to the office because it is too late in the evening to continuing paperwork. In that moment Regina knew the perfect place she wanted and needed to go to get some fresh air to help clear her head.

In that moment Regina flashed herself to the docks, her car be damned in this moment, on her arrival it was a little chilly and realized she was not in the appropriate outfit to be spending a few hours near the cool water just want single blow of the wind causing her to shiver in the dress and heels she was wearing. Regina quickly enveloped herself in a cloud of purple smoke revealing her black Nike free runs, her black tight (yet comfortable) Victoria's secret & pink yoga pants, a grey thick long sleeved knitted shirt/sweatshirt with a whitish grey tank top underneath, with her glasses on. Regina never normally dressed this way in public but at this point her mind was elsewhere dwelling and more important matters and not her appearance. The sea breeze was starting to push my hair into my face to the point of annoyance and tied it back into a messy ponytail my bangs coming to rest on the sides of my face.

All thoughts entering my mind at this point was just _**Emma, Emma, Emma**_ and the words she said/screamed/cried out to me coming back tenfold and getting louder and louder with each relapse. I don't know what to do I'm getting so frustrated I just want to.. I just….want...to….." **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH"** Regina just screamed out her frustrations and just shot balls of fire into the distance of the ocean not knowing what else to do. After a few deep breaths and looking out across the water Regina started to calm down. She was so drained she just sat down in the sand plugging her head phones into her phone and then her ears blaring her music and as soon as she clicked play Vermillion part 2 by Slipknot started and Regina quickly put this song on repeat and continued to stare out at the calm waters. After an hour or so just sitting here just breathing in that salty sea water smell when two major thoughts started to overwhelm me just coming of nowhere when I those thoughts start to calm a little I realize they are about _**Emma…..and…...Robin. Oh god Robin he's gone he's really gone and Emma oh my Emma what am I going to do wit-**_ Regina was suddenly pulled out of thoughts when she realized that someone was holding her and was rocking her lightly. I looked behind me and was relieved when I saw that Zelena was the one holding smiled at me as I pulled out my earbuds as she wiped away the tears that I hadn't realized were streaming down my face.

" _ **What are you doing here so late Regina?"**_ Zelena asked me and all I gave as a response was a choked sob that I hadn't realize I was holding back.

" _ **Ssshh…..Ssssh…Regina darling it's alright whatever happened it's going to be okay."**_ I sobbed even harder into her chest as i wrapped my arms around Zee's neck knowing that it wasn't. Not knowing what to do about Emma while my sadness for Robin was still so strong.

" _ **Zee I-I-I do-don't k-know wha-what to DOOOOO….."**_ I sobbed out

" _ **Do about what Regina? Honey do what?"**_ Zelena knows about my feelings for Emma and how I've struggled with them and knows how torn I am between her and my love for Robin.

" _ **Eeemmaaa I-I-I don't know whaaat too doooo Z-Zee."**_ Zelena only noded and continued to soothe my sobs. She knows only some about what went down between Emma and I. She knew that Emma told me she loved me and she knows that I've developed feelings for Emma and how much they have blossomed even more so after Robin's funeral. Zelena also knew how much this was tearing her up inside. Regina could barely eat and when she did sleep it was mostly because of how emotionally drained she was from the many many tears she shed.


End file.
